whatever comes to mind…

Posts tagged ‘dumb’

Nasty Lasty…

And as usual on a Friday here’s your weekly dose of giggles:

 

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

 

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

 

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die..

 

Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich …

 

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

 

Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky …..

not really good for anything, but you

still can’t help but smile when

you shove them down the stairs.

 

Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

 

Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

 

Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

 

Number 2

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;

what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

 

– – – and as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last long.”

Have a great weekend everyone – and remember – spread the joy!!!

 

Just for a laugh say: Here kitty kitty…

Hello Kitty...

When was the last time you cried & why?

Oh yes, this is a very easy one to answer- I remember because it happened two months ago and I cried for days. I still feel the loss and will again come summer.

Until then my daughter, her young family and myself all lived in a flat together, we all decided to move our own separate ways. Come moving day we had 3 different moving vans there moving us to 3 different locations. And amongst all the confusion my daughter was left to pack the last few boxes.

I drove off with the van to my new house while me daughter was packing up my wardrobe, upon returning I ordered that all the boxes in my room get loaded and that while I was delivering them to the new house the garbage was to be carried out to the pavement.

Garbage bags

The move went pretty well considering the confusion of a three directional move.

Sunday morning I woke up in my new home and put on the same clothes I’d worn on Saturday and started unpacking the few boxes I had.  By the time evening came I was exhausted and had two boxes left to unpack. I had dinner and a nice hot shower and crawled into bed.

Monday morning bright and early I woke up and opened the boxes looking for something to wear to work. Mmm – kitchen appliances and curtains. Where are my clothes??

I call my daughter and ask her whether she had found my boxes of clothes only to be told that, no she hadn’t and that my clothes had been packed into black bags and left in the passage at the old flat.

These are the same black bags that we had ordered to be put on the pavement on Saturday afternoon. My entire wardrobe – underwear, shoes, everything, summer and winter… all gone!!!

I wept. In fact I sobbed for days.

The good thing is that now I have a wardrobe of only things I like and wear, only things that fit, and only things that are not outdated. The bad thing is that seasons change and when summer comes I have nothing to wear.

Thank you bloggers for theTick-Tock..

Today I have gone through so many different emotions and moods – most of them were caused due to the amount of time I spent reading through other peoples blogs- the rest were caused by the medication which the doctor has put me on for the problem I have in my heart cavity.

Firstly,  the medicine I am taking has had me itching, nauseous, shaky and confused  –  none of which I’d consider a contributing factor to recovery from heart problems.

The blogs that I have read today on the other hand, have been very amusing – some are rather funny, others informative and a few are exactly what I need to get me all steamed up and pro/anti something or other.

The people who wrote the blogs that I have laughed, smiled, cried, cheered, baked, cursed and stretched my way through today are the ones to which I wish to say thank you.

Thank – you bloggers on wordpress.com for the emotional workout you have given me today. You have put the tick tock back in my heart.

Message from my mind.

I got a fortune cookie today which read:

“HELP!!! I am being held hostage in a bakery in China.”

I have no doubts that it is true and that this is a message from my brain!

I am a little concerned as to why it was in China for one thing —

and for another; why a bakery?

I’ll have it back tomorrow!!

(ps.Tuesday I was scatterbrain, Wednesday I was sick… now this!)

UH….

Gee wizz – look at the time it’s 15H55 and I have just realised that I haven’t even THOUGHT of doing anything today.

In all honesty, I cannot remember doing much all day AT ALL, except 2 quotes and downloading the book I won to my iPhone.

WOW I am a plutz today. My brain wants to leave for home – and it’s in a fire ball hurry.

I hope it doesn’t get too much of a headstart – I might need it tomorrow.

Keep calm… It’s maddening!!! (part 1)

I have in the past been called tactless and have tried over the past few years to bite my tongue and keep my cool. It hasn’t been easy and I have endured a bleeding tongue at times but here are two incidents that come to mind that have made it worthwhile to me.

Scenario:

I am driving along with my children in the car and suddenly this car comes off the slipway and nearly rams into the back of me. The driver in a panic hoots.

My emotions:

Absolute anger – until I see the look of total apology on the driver’s face.

Amusing part:

As we pulled up at the traffic lights the passenger in the other vehicle decided to start ranting and raving at me. I turn my head and find an elderish Indian lady glaring at me and cursing, a highly apologetic old man cringing and waving a frantic apology and two children trying in vain to hide behind the seats in embarrassment.

Amongst the insults that flew my way were incompetence as a driver, being mindless and uncaring to the safety of others and racism (the South African favorite) Every 3rd word was Fucken and the ones in between were God and culture.

From the back seat of my car I can hear my kids saying “oh oh, now mom’s mad”, so I take a big calming breath.

I sat quietly and intently listening to her raging away and when she had finished I ever so calmly and sweetly asked her please to wipe the little red spot off her forehead as her found her behavior insulting to all my Indian friends and I’m sure that Allah would not approve, I also then offered to wait on the side of the road for her apology while they drove around the block to check the road signs proving that my knowledge of “road safety” was in fact superior to hers.

Upon this her husband first gasped then snorted as he tried to hold in a giggle – this earned him her attention and as I drove off -my whole body shaking in anger but a sickly sweet smile on my face- he simply smiled and waved a farewell.

Five mintues later my daughter plucked up the courage to speak and simply said, “That was way cool mom”

That was when I realized that NOTHING angers a person more than when you remain calm during an argument. It felt great!!

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