whatever comes to mind…

Posts tagged ‘funny’

New, clean undies

Always wear clean, new underwear in public, especially when working under you vehicle… From the NORTHWEST FLORIDA Daily News comes this story of a Crestview couple who drove their car to WalMart, only to have their car break down in the parking lot. The man told his wife to carry on with the shopping while he fixed the car in the lot. The wife returned later to see a small group of people near the car. On closer inspection, she saw a pair of male legs protruding from under the chassis. Although the man was in shorts, his lack of underpants turned private parts into glaringly public ones. Unable to stand the embarrassment, she dutifully stepped forward, quickly put her hand UP his shorts, and tucked everything back into place. On regaining her feet, she looked across the hood and found herself staring at her husband who was standing idly by. The mechanic, however, had to have three stitches on his forehead.

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Nasty Lasty

Good morning everyone, Friday again and freezing in good old Durban. Today is the last day at my current job and after that I am officially unemployed. So glad the weekend is here because I haven’t had a party in ages.

Well enough chit chat for now, here’s your weekly dose of funny:

 

 

 

  A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

  One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

  As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what?  ‘You have been with me all through the bad times.  When I got fired, you were there to support me.  When my business failed, you were there.  When I got shot, you were by my side.

  When we lost the house, you stayed right here.  When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what Martha?’

 

  ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

 

  ‘I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck…

 

 


Poor blonde painter

A blonde who’s down on her luck is walking through a luxurious neighborhood looking for odd jobs to do when she approaches a large house. She goes up to the house, rings the bell and the owner comes to the door. He asks the lady what he can do for her. The blonde tells him of her situation, that she is down on her luck and wants to know if he has any odd jobs that she could do. The man thinks about it for a second and then remembers that he has been wanting to paint his porch. He asks the blonde if she paints? The blonde says, “Sure anything. ” “Well, I’ve been wanting to paint my porch, how much would you charge? ” the man replies. “I don’t know, say $50 bucks. ” “Sounds good. Go ahead and get started. ” He closes the door and walks back inside. His wife asks him, “Who was at the door? ” He tells her of the blonde and her situation and then told his wife that the blonde agreed to paint the porch for $50 bucks. The astonished wife says, “$50 bucks, but that porch goes the full length of our house and then some. It will be at least a few hours job. You really should pay her more. ” “But that’s all she said she wanted, and anyway she’s a dumb blonde! “10 minutes later, they get a knock on the door. The man answers the door and the blonde stands there and says, “All done. ” With a surprised look on his face, “I can’t believe it, you’re already done painting the entire porch. “Yes, and by the way it’s not a porch it’s a Ferrari”

Nasty Lasty…

And as usual on a Friday here’s your weekly dose of giggles:

 

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

 

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

 

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die..

 

Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich …

 

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

 

Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky …..

not really good for anything, but you

still can’t help but smile when

you shove them down the stairs.

 

Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

 

Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

 

Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

 

Number 2

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;

what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

 

– – – and as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last long.”

Have a great weekend everyone – and remember – spread the joy!!!

 

Google panties??

Oh my word, I would never have guessed that people would Google panties. As a joke yesterday I tagged my blog with “panties” and was amazed when it showed four hits from tag panties and this got me intrigued so I went onto Google and decided to see what had these people’s knickers in a twist.

I was amazed to see the different types of knickers that are available to both men and women. I have attached a few pictures for you to look at. I am sure you will all recognize some of these and have plenty to say about others, so please go ahead and comment.

1.

toddler

2.

children

3.

boys leg cut

4.

hi cut

5.

full panty

6.

lacey panties

7.

granny panties

8.

the G string

9.

frilly panties

10.

the C string

Don't stretch for the top shelf.

C string for men

Just for a laugh say: Here kitty kitty…

Hello Kitty...

Nasty Lasty…

This is an old joke but it always brings a smile to my dial:

(Have a great weekend everyone)

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.” The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”

 

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