whatever comes to mind…

Posts tagged ‘humour’

Nasty Lasty

Good morning everyone, Friday again and freezing in good old Durban. Today is the last day at my current job and after that I am officially unemployed. So glad the weekend is here because I haven’t had a party in ages.

Well enough chit chat for now, here’s your weekly dose of funny:

 

 

 

  A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

  One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

  As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what?  ‘You have been with me all through the bad times.  When I got fired, you were there to support me.  When my business failed, you were there.  When I got shot, you were by my side.

  When we lost the house, you stayed right here.  When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what Martha?’

 

  ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

 

  ‘I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck…

 

 


1000 in a month!!!

I am so excited and happy, reached 1000 visits yesterday and that in my first month.

Thank you to everyone that read my blog in the past month, and to all the successful bloggers out there, I hope to be where you are one day. This month has been a rather hectic one for me and things haven’t exactly been going my way.

Help yourself to a slice of cake and thank-you once again for visiting. I am going to try reach 2000 in three weeks now. I better get down to serious writing I guess. Watch this space I will try to spruce it up.

Nasty Lasty…

And as usual on a Friday here’s your weekly dose of giggles:

 

Ten Thoughts to Ponder

 

Number 10

Life is sexually transmitted.

 

Number 9

Good health is merely the slowest possible rate at which one can die..

 

Number 8

Men have two emotions: Hungry and Horny.

If you see him without an erection, make him a sandwich …

 

Number 7

Give a person a fish and you feed them for a day, teach a person to use the Internet and they won’t bother you for weeks.

 

Number 6

Some people are like a Slinky …..

not really good for anything, but you

still can’t help but smile when

you shove them down the stairs.

 

Number 5

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in hospitals, dying of nothing.

 

Number 4

All of us could take a lesson from the weather.

It pays no attention to criticism.

 

Number 3

Why does a slight tax increase cost you $200.00, and a substantial tax cut saves you $30.00?

 

Number 2

In the 60’s, people took acid to make the world weird.

Now the world is weird and people take Prozac to make it normal.

 

And The Number 1 Thought

Life is like a jar of Jalapeno peppers;

what you do today, might burn your ass tomorrow.

 

– – – and as someone recently said to me: “Don’t worry about old age; it doesn’t last long.”

Have a great weekend everyone – and remember – spread the joy!!!

 

Google panties??

Oh my word, I would never have guessed that people would Google panties. As a joke yesterday I tagged my blog with “panties” and was amazed when it showed four hits from tag panties and this got me intrigued so I went onto Google and decided to see what had these people’s knickers in a twist.

I was amazed to see the different types of knickers that are available to both men and women. I have attached a few pictures for you to look at. I am sure you will all recognize some of these and have plenty to say about others, so please go ahead and comment.

1.

toddler

2.

children

3.

boys leg cut

4.

hi cut

5.

full panty

6.

lacey panties

7.

granny panties

8.

the G string

9.

frilly panties

10.

the C string

Don't stretch for the top shelf.

C string for men

Just for a laugh say: Here kitty kitty…

Hello Kitty...

If you could change into any animal at will, which one would you choose?

There are so many animals that come to mind on as a good answer to this question, I mean who couldn’t see themselves as a tiger or a cheetah, or a black panther? (After asking nearly everyone I saw that was the most popular answer)

My first choice was the tiger too. Then I stopped and thought about it a little more, I thought about my lifestyle and how being a tiger would effect it. Firstly a tiger is a beautiful animal and seems to take everything in it’s stride but has the clout it needs, but realistically what would happen if a tiger walked into a club, or shopping mall or into Mc Donald’s?

I went through a long list of animals and realized that in everyday life most animals would either be locked up in a zoo, a back garden, a cage or simply killed. Then I started thinking about which animal is least likely to be bugged by humans. Which animal would be left alone and not really bothered about or killed and I finally decided that probably a bat would be the best choice.

Picture the scenarios – walking down the street at night and someone following you – you change into a bat and who is going to notice you? Your stalker! And I bet he doesn’t still follow you.

In a mall you get all your goodies and walk to the check out, there is a queue a mile long. Poof you turn into a bat – everyone freaks out and runs, except maybe the staff, who grab mops and brooms and try swatting you out the air. Once the queues are clear you fly around the corner – poof you’re human and first in line.

After a night on the town you cannot get any sleep because everyone “needs” something, climb into the back corner of your cupboard and go to sleep – no-one would look for you in your cupboard and if they did they wouldn’t be looking up at the rail for you would they?

So the next time you see a bat swooping around just say hi – I could be me trying to get away from a stalker or jumping a queue. 

Nasty Lasty…

This is an old joke but it always brings a smile to my dial:

(Have a great weekend everyone)

Social Security
A retired gentleman went to the social security office to apply for Social Security.The woman behind the counter asked him for his driver’s license to verify his age. He looked in his pockets and realized he had left his wallet at home. He told the woman that he was very sorry but he seemed to have left his wallet at home. “I will have to go home and come back later.” The woman says, “Unbutton your shirt.” So he opens his shirt revealing curly silver hair. She says, “That silver hair on your chest is proof enough for me” and she processed his Social Security application.

When he gets home, the man excitedly tells his wife about his experience at the social security office. She says, “You should have dropped your pants. You might have gotten disability too.”

 

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