whatever comes to mind…

Posts tagged ‘calm’

Nasty Lasty

Good morning everyone, Friday again and freezing in good old Durban. Today is the last day at my current job and after that I am officially unemployed. So glad the weekend is here because I haven’t had a party in ages.

Well enough chit chat for now, here’s your weekly dose of funny:

 

 

 

  A woman’s husband had been slipping in and out of a coma for several months, yet she had stayed by his bedside every single day.

  One day, when he came to, he motioned for her to come nearer.

 

  As she sat by him, he whispered, eyes full of tears, ‘You know what?  ‘You have been with me all through the bad times.  When I got fired, you were there to support me.  When my business failed, you were there.  When I got shot, you were by my side.

  When we lost the house, you stayed right here.  When my health started failing, you were still by my side… You know what Martha?’

 

  ‘What dear?’ she gently asked, smiling as her heart began to fill with warmth.

 

  ‘I’m beginning to think you’re bad luck…

 

 


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If you could change into any animal at will, which one would you choose?

There are so many animals that come to mind on as a good answer to this question, I mean who couldn’t see themselves as a tiger or a cheetah, or a black panther? (After asking nearly everyone I saw that was the most popular answer)

My first choice was the tiger too. Then I stopped and thought about it a little more, I thought about my lifestyle and how being a tiger would effect it. Firstly a tiger is a beautiful animal and seems to take everything in it’s stride but has the clout it needs, but realistically what would happen if a tiger walked into a club, or shopping mall or into Mc Donald’s?

I went through a long list of animals and realized that in everyday life most animals would either be locked up in a zoo, a back garden, a cage or simply killed. Then I started thinking about which animal is least likely to be bugged by humans. Which animal would be left alone and not really bothered about or killed and I finally decided that probably a bat would be the best choice.

Picture the scenarios – walking down the street at night and someone following you – you change into a bat and who is going to notice you? Your stalker! And I bet he doesn’t still follow you.

In a mall you get all your goodies and walk to the check out, there is a queue a mile long. Poof you turn into a bat – everyone freaks out and runs, except maybe the staff, who grab mops and brooms and try swatting you out the air. Once the queues are clear you fly around the corner – poof you’re human and first in line.

After a night on the town you cannot get any sleep because everyone “needs” something, climb into the back corner of your cupboard and go to sleep – no-one would look for you in your cupboard and if they did they wouldn’t be looking up at the rail for you would they?

So the next time you see a bat swooping around just say hi – I could be me trying to get away from a stalker or jumping a queue. 

Thank you bloggers for theTick-Tock..

Today I have gone through so many different emotions and moods – most of them were caused due to the amount of time I spent reading through other peoples blogs- the rest were caused by the medication which the doctor has put me on for the problem I have in my heart cavity.

Firstly,  the medicine I am taking has had me itching, nauseous, shaky and confused  –  none of which I’d consider a contributing factor to recovery from heart problems.

The blogs that I have read today on the other hand, have been very amusing – some are rather funny, others informative and a few are exactly what I need to get me all steamed up and pro/anti something or other.

The people who wrote the blogs that I have laughed, smiled, cried, cheered, baked, cursed and stretched my way through today are the ones to which I wish to say thank you.

Thank – you bloggers on wordpress.com for the emotional workout you have given me today. You have put the tick tock back in my heart.

Squash my heart…

Okay so yesterday morning at 2am I get woken up by a tearing feeling in my chest and believe me when I say I thought I was a gone-r for sure.

Every time I tried to move to reach my phone to call for help or even breathe the pain intensified, so I lay there taking tiny little breaths watching the time tick by and wondering as to how long before the pain or I was going to cease.

After about 20 minutes I managed to reach for my phone and lay there with it in my hand.

I had a million things going through my mind, firstly was that I needed to call for help, secondly was how does help get it if everything locked up and thirdly was what good does help do if I have no medical and cannot afford the treatment required for heart attacks?

So I lay their thinking plan B; I sent my kids a message saying, “good morning, I love you.”

I remember looking at the clock and thinking ‘ok it’s been over ½ hour and the pain a bit better so I took a deep breath and then tried changing positions and that was when I finally passed out.

I woke up again as normal on a Monday morning at 5.40am with my alarm yelling the rise and shines. Two things came to mind instantly 1. Shut up alarm 2. I made it.

I slowly reached out to silence the alarm and found not a blinding pain but rather a bruised feeling on the chest area, as though I’d been kicked by a horse. I got up and ever so slowly went about my daily routine.

Off to work I go and eventually decide to go to a states hospital for a check-up.

After extensive tests they have informed me that luckily there is no damage done to the heart but that I have an inflammation in the chest cavity which has swollen and is causing pressure on the heart. Not too serious but if pain not gone by today then report back. Well I am feeling a damn side better today and have a whole new outlook on life.

My heart kicked my ass and made me realize that there is a lot of things that I should have had in order. I have been given a warning in the most painful way I can imagine and I have taken care to listen, I got medical aid, I got a hospital plan, I am taking the meds and I am letting all my family and friends know why they mean the world to me.

Happy place , h a p p y p l a c e . . .

Oh my goodness, if this morning hasn’t been the longest week ever…

I got to work this morning after a nice long and peaceful weekend of doing nothing but lying in/on my bed watching movies and — all hell broke loose.

My manager has decided to launch the new pricing on our software which is great, and what I been suggesting all along, what isn’t great however is the commotion that it has caused in the office. Everyone has an opinion- everyone wants help…

So I go looking for my happy place — the weekend — the movies:

AVATAR – aaah yeah look the wonderful scenery and the lovely peaceful world, the beautiful sky with all its pretty moons – AAAAAAAAArgh look at the size of that thing – and now it’s after me….

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

KUNG FU PANDA 2 – sweet little cartoons all on my side now, I’m just a big lovable bear and I can save the world. Say what?? I am adopted??? Okay I’m out of here – cannot handle the emotional stress…

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

THE REBOUND – I’m to blame here for leaving the hunky young guy, I blame it on the emotional stress of being adopted and not finding out until now…

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

CRAZY ON THE OUTSIDE – mmmm I the oh so evil ex con now falls in love with my parole officer… and now the distrust… NO THANX

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

HOUSE BROKEN – PROBLEMS

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

GREEN LATERN – PROBLEMS

FFWD TO NEXT MOVIE

HOT CHICK, lightening thief, karate kid, butterfly effect, date movie, how to train your dragon, she’s out of my league, bad boys 2 – PROBLEMS, PROBLEMS AND MORE PROBLEMS

OH DAMMIT – no matter which I try going to, to find my happy place, I find problems, I guess there is no happy place unless you play to the end… so back to work – back to reality!! Got to reach the end…

Keep Calm…..It’s maddening!!!(Part 2)

Okay so after learning to stay calm while people are ranting and raving, I decided to not instantly retaliate to people making snide remarks to me or about me, so now I simply bite my tongue.

Scenario:

I hadn’t been out for about 4 months and in that time was very fortunate to for some unknown reason to have lost about 16kg’s. I walk into the club and all my club buddies immediately run over to say hi and chat. This is probably a good time to explain that I am a real party animal and love my rave clubs. A real wild gran I am. So anyhow everyone there is happy to see that I am back and looking better than ever and then….

WHAM in the midst of all the happy greeting and compliments a little pint size blob decides to make a snide remark about me in front of everyone. WOW the looks that flew through the group were everything from disbelief to horror.

My emotions:

Die bitch!!!

Amusing part:

Well contrary to everyone’s expectations, I chose to pretend I hadn’t heard her and simply gave her a big hug and a hello, with my tongue firmly between my teeth and the sweetest smile on my face which definitely said exactly what I was feeling.

This poor little girl, she knew she had stepped on the wrong toes because everyone simply closed the circle and cut her out. I have been treating her as usual every time I have seen her since then but I can see by the way she is behaving herself that she cleary knows that it is not over yet.

A month down the line and she is still on her best behavior around everyone. She has no idea when I will have my sweet revenge and, being as young as she is, doesn’t yet realize that in fact this is the best revenge ever.

I probably won’t say a thing to her at all, at least not about this incident, I am strong enough to handle the insults and criticism (I have put this down to maybe jealousy) but I dare her with every ounce of my being to try insulting someone younger and more vulnerable than I am in front of me.

Keep calm… It’s maddening!!! (part 1)

I have in the past been called tactless and have tried over the past few years to bite my tongue and keep my cool. It hasn’t been easy and I have endured a bleeding tongue at times but here are two incidents that come to mind that have made it worthwhile to me.

Scenario:

I am driving along with my children in the car and suddenly this car comes off the slipway and nearly rams into the back of me. The driver in a panic hoots.

My emotions:

Absolute anger – until I see the look of total apology on the driver’s face.

Amusing part:

As we pulled up at the traffic lights the passenger in the other vehicle decided to start ranting and raving at me. I turn my head and find an elderish Indian lady glaring at me and cursing, a highly apologetic old man cringing and waving a frantic apology and two children trying in vain to hide behind the seats in embarrassment.

Amongst the insults that flew my way were incompetence as a driver, being mindless and uncaring to the safety of others and racism (the South African favorite) Every 3rd word was Fucken and the ones in between were God and culture.

From the back seat of my car I can hear my kids saying “oh oh, now mom’s mad”, so I take a big calming breath.

I sat quietly and intently listening to her raging away and when she had finished I ever so calmly and sweetly asked her please to wipe the little red spot off her forehead as her found her behavior insulting to all my Indian friends and I’m sure that Allah would not approve, I also then offered to wait on the side of the road for her apology while they drove around the block to check the road signs proving that my knowledge of “road safety” was in fact superior to hers.

Upon this her husband first gasped then snorted as he tried to hold in a giggle – this earned him her attention and as I drove off -my whole body shaking in anger but a sickly sweet smile on my face- he simply smiled and waved a farewell.

Five mintues later my daughter plucked up the courage to speak and simply said, “That was way cool mom”

That was when I realized that NOTHING angers a person more than when you remain calm during an argument. It felt great!!

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