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Archive for June, 2011

Keep Calm…..It’s maddening!!!(Part 2)

Okay so after learning to stay calm while people are ranting and raving, I decided to not instantly retaliate to people making snide remarks to me or about me, so now I simply bite my tongue.


I hadn’t been out for about 4 months and in that time was very fortunate to for some unknown reason to have lost about 16kg’s. I walk into the club and all my club buddies immediately run over to say hi and chat. This is probably a good time to explain that I am a real party animal and love my rave clubs. A real wild gran I am. So anyhow everyone there is happy to see that I am back and looking better than ever and then….

WHAM in the midst of all the happy greeting and compliments a little pint size blob decides to make a snide remark about me in front of everyone. WOW the looks that flew through the group were everything from disbelief to horror.

My emotions:

Die bitch!!!

Amusing part:

Well contrary to everyone’s expectations, I chose to pretend I hadn’t heard her and simply gave her a big hug and a hello, with my tongue firmly between my teeth and the sweetest smile on my face which definitely said exactly what I was feeling.

This poor little girl, she knew she had stepped on the wrong toes because everyone simply closed the circle and cut her out. I have been treating her as usual every time I have seen her since then but I can see by the way she is behaving herself that she cleary knows that it is not over yet.

A month down the line and she is still on her best behavior around everyone. She has no idea when I will have my sweet revenge and, being as young as she is, doesn’t yet realize that in fact this is the best revenge ever.

I probably won’t say a thing to her at all, at least not about this incident, I am strong enough to handle the insults and criticism (I have put this down to maybe jealousy) but I dare her with every ounce of my being to try insulting someone younger and more vulnerable than I am in front of me.

Keep calm… It’s maddening!!! (part 1)

I have in the past been called tactless and have tried over the past few years to bite my tongue and keep my cool. It hasn’t been easy and I have endured a bleeding tongue at times but here are two incidents that come to mind that have made it worthwhile to me.


I am driving along with my children in the car and suddenly this car comes off the slipway and nearly rams into the back of me. The driver in a panic hoots.

My emotions:

Absolute anger – until I see the look of total apology on the driver’s face.

Amusing part:

As we pulled up at the traffic lights the passenger in the other vehicle decided to start ranting and raving at me. I turn my head and find an elderish Indian lady glaring at me and cursing, a highly apologetic old man cringing and waving a frantic apology and two children trying in vain to hide behind the seats in embarrassment.

Amongst the insults that flew my way were incompetence as a driver, being mindless and uncaring to the safety of others and racism (the South African favorite) Every 3rd word was Fucken and the ones in between were God and culture.

From the back seat of my car I can hear my kids saying “oh oh, now mom’s mad”, so I take a big calming breath.

I sat quietly and intently listening to her raging away and when she had finished I ever so calmly and sweetly asked her please to wipe the little red spot off her forehead as her found her behavior insulting to all my Indian friends and I’m sure that Allah would not approve, I also then offered to wait on the side of the road for her apology while they drove around the block to check the road signs proving that my knowledge of “road safety” was in fact superior to hers.

Upon this her husband first gasped then snorted as he tried to hold in a giggle – this earned him her attention and as I drove off -my whole body shaking in anger but a sickly sweet smile on my face- he simply smiled and waved a farewell.

Five mintues later my daughter plucked up the courage to speak and simply said, “That was way cool mom”

That was when I realized that NOTHING angers a person more than when you remain calm during an argument. It felt great!!

Do you know him???

First thing in the morning you find him cuddled up to you, taking most of the space on your bed. As soon as you are awake – even before your eyes open – he starts wanting your affection and attention, pushing his way into your arms.

When finally you realize that you are not going to be left in peace and drag yourself from bed – he jumps up and leads the way to the kitchen – demanding food. It’s a mad commotion trying to get from drawers to fridge to cupboards in an effort to get his food prepared while all the while tripping over him.

Finally with his breakfast served and him quietly enjoying the feast, you have a few minutes to yourself. Dash back to the bedroom get showered and dressed and prepare for the long day ahead. Back in the kitchen you prepare your own breakfast which you’ll probably be conned into sharing with him.

Breakfast over and dishes done you walk through to the tv room to find him sprawled out on the couch in the sun, getting ready for a morning of relaxation while you got off to the shops.

Returning from the store he passes you in the doorway. “Where are you off to?” you ask, only to be given a backward glance and a look that says “none of your business.”  After spending the day doing a multitude of tasks around the house, you start preparing dinner.

It is getting dark out and you know that very soon now he will be home, hungry and impatient.

You go through the motions automatically; dishing the food into his bowl and setting it out for him to eat. You then go over to the door to greet him as he silently walks right past you and straight to his food.

As you stand in the doorway watching him eat you realize that no matter how he treats you, you will always love that cat!!

Too cold to think of blogging…


I dream of days of sunny light

Of cloudless skies

A starry night

I dream of heat rays from the sun

Of warmer times

And summer fun


My toes and fingers are all numb

My brain frozen

My thoughts all dumb


I wish that winter was away

Spring please come

For this I pray

Pesky pests!!!

How the hell can a thing as tiny as a fruit fly annoy me so much??

Little bastards!!

I’ve been sitting at work all morning clapping in the air around my head like a happy little retard, trying to chase off the fruit flies that have invaded my office.

The one with 11 legs and nine lives chose to fly past my nose as I inhaled and that started my nose running and my eyes watering. It was just at that moment that the brave little short sighted fuc*er decided to look deep into my eye and got stuck to my eyeball.

So now I have a tickling terrorist up my nasal cavity that is seriously doing a victory dance and the short sighted fuc*er in my eye who has decided to start doing backstroke in my tears.

Now I am rubbing my nose and trying desperately to fish the olympian swimmer from my eye and guess what??

This is when two more camacazi pilots decide to annoy me— so in the confusion of rubbing my nose, picking my eye ball, holding my breath and clapping and slapping the air around my head I finally end up branding myself with a lovely red mark on my forehead. Now not only do I have the fruit flies to contend with but I seem to have a few little black spots floating around between them.

I have learnt quite a bit today – Power definately comes in numbers and size does not count! But more than that I have learnt that I most undoubtedly hate fruit flies!!!

Honestly… honesty please!!!

So yesterday was the day that I had finally had enough of people’s assumptions and decided to put my thoughts across with no uncertainty. I am sure that there are a few people out there that might think I am being unfair and a little harsh but I pride myself on honesty and expect other people to be honest in return.

If I think back over things that I have done in my life, or things that have been done to me, I find it rather difficult to find regrets. This might seem unbelievable to most people but I am a realist and things happen for a reason – either I duffed up or someone else did.

When something goes wrong in my life I choose to see it as a lesson learnt. I might be upset about it for a day or two while I try to figure out what could be learnt from it and then I move on to the next page. If someone does something to offend me I will first of all remain quiet, if that is not warning enough then I will confront them.

If someone lies to me, I will confront them and give them the opportunity to redeem themselves but if they feel that it is appropriate to stick to their lies then they are gone. Lies are simply other peoples’ way of telling you that they thing you are a fool. I am not a fool for no-one and if I have confronted you about your lie and you lie to my face again then screw you – you’re a fool!

I am pretty straightforward and if I say I like you- I do, this does not mean that I love you, I need you , I want you- it means I like you!!! If I say I find you attractive and sexually pleasing – this again does not mean I love you or I need you, it simply means I want you – for a while at least.

Assumptions can be very dangerous and can lead to a lot of mayhem and

misunderstanding. Assumptions can really mess up situations that could otherwise have been great fun. I wish that I could just get it through to the people around me that by lying your way through life you are living life expecting people to lie to you.

I expect people to be honest with me and I find it extremely insulting when they aren’t and even more insulting when they assume that I am not honest with them.

Ps. I still want you – I don’t love you!!

Because you said I wouldn’t…

The challenge:

When I was younger, so many years ago

You marched through my heart you already know

Today, twenty-five years since then

You’re back in my heart, all over again!

When I told you I had a blog – go look, see

You giggled and sniggered and read it for me

And after you’d seen it and read all three

All you said was “It’s not about me!”

So I promised to write you a poem tonight

Your comment was something like “Oh Yeah, Right”

So Gunther this poem is just for you,

Can I please have some feedback once you are through??

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